COLUMNIST GAIL MAGGI: Cheaper by the Dozen?

There was that book years ago titled ?Cheaper by the Dozen? and I guess doughnuts may be cheaper by the dozen, but I really don?t believe for one moment that children are cheaper by the dozen…even if it?s a baker?s dozen such as our son has on his dairy farm. I?ve had so much feedback about my columns on the family gathering over the holidays I thought maybe everyone might enjoy a look at the crew I?m always talking about.

I got my Christmas photos back from developing and the one picture I took of all 13 grandkids on our stairway came out pretty well with all their faces showing… and not too many silly faces. It only took one whole roll of film to get this one good result with about 20 not-so-acceptable exposures.

All 13 are twins Dawson and Darcie, Dalton, Dillon, Ashley, twins Dominic and Drew, Ana, Donald, baby Damelia Rose held by eldest sister Denee? and one-year old Delvin held by eldest brother Donovan.

DAUGHTER GABE stationed in Germany has now remembered her bowling background and has decided to try her hand at bowling tournaments while in the Air Force. Of course, that?s all it took to put Hubby into motion obtaining a new ball for her, and getting Brian Bannasch to drill the ?chocolate scented? ball. Can you imagine that? Now bowling balls have their own scent. I wonder if that?s to counteract the distress they undergo when packed away with a pair of old bowling shoes.

?I only want Brian to drill my new ball,? Gabe told us over the phone. He has always been kind of her hero since we moved here almost 13 years ago. He had bowled a 300 game and she got his autograph.

She actually still has the darn thing somewhere in her special drawer of mementos. So it was off to beg Brian to drill the ball at his earliest convenience, which he obligingly did, thank goodness. What a nice gesture to accommodate two distressed parents who do whatever they can at whatever moment daughter asks for something.

THEN WE were off to pack the bowling bag, the bowling shoes, and the new ball in a box and to the post office, where it cost $21 to send it Priority Mail, only a few dollars more than regular mail. What a bargain! So of course, it went Priority with the contents labeled for customs officials. I?m glad that little ordeal is finished until her next request. Brian told Hubby to tell her to play in all the tournaments and win…but he gets half the prize money.

I do hope he?s not counting on that prize money for income, as it?s been a while since she?s bowled. But it always came very naturally for her and she was quite good when she was in the junior program at Nautical Lanes. Those clothes I bought her for Christmas came back in the mail last week, because she didn?t like them…I should have known better. I will never again buy her any clothing…and had to promise as much on the phone.

FROM NOW ON, it?s either a catalog for her to pick something from, or money for her to buy her own.

However, she loved the Jelly Belly Beans and has requested even more. She also loved the rest of what we sent: the squishy Teddy Bear, the fleece blanket, the candy, the cookies…just no more clothes. I was able to talk Hubby into taking the clothes back to the store for a refund…I was just too embarrassed. I bought them November 3 and they just came back last week. Even though the tags and stickers were all still in place I really thought they would make an issue of it. I was wrong. Hubby said they were very nice and they just agreed to take it off our credit card. Sometimes I really do love that man.

One less thing to worry about…until Gabe calls with her next request. I just don?t know how to say no when she?s so far from home, but I have the sneaking suspicion it wouldn?t matter if she were three blocks away.